Love lets the other win. Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
Day 11 happenings: Its been a rough week in the life of my husband due to stresses of work/school/home responsibilities. He had planned to go hang out with his dude friends last night, and I had plans with a girlfriend, so we shipped Jesse off to Gramma’s house so that we could make both events happen. He got home and I could tell it was a particularly hectic day, so I gave him a short shoulder rub before he hopped in the shower and got ready to drive up to San Jose. The point in telling you our plans for the evening is because I had planned to hang out with my friend before he planned to hang out with his friends, and there was the dilemma of what to do with the kid. I was needing a little relaxation time, and I thought it would be nice for Robert to watch Jesse while I did that, and I wasn’t really willing to give up my plans. But at the same time, I saw his need to also have a night to relax and just hang out with friends, so I set about getting someone to watch Jesse. The night was great for both of us, and even though we didn’t spend it together, nights spent having fun doing separate things is great for our marriage and helps us appreciate each other that much more.
Before getting into the dare for today (uhhh I mean a couple days ago)…I have to admit that I have not be as committed to doing this as I would have liked. With that said, although I am not very diligent about doing a daily post, or even looking at the dare at the beginning of the day, I am becoming more mindful of serving my husband and loving him because I want to and I enjoy our marriage. Doing these dares have shown me that I need to love and appreciate him and do things for him, simply because it will make him happy. Now, when I do get to the dares, I enjoy doing them, and I feel like I am completing a secret little mission during the day. So, amidst my somewhat flakey posts and updates as to how I’m doing with this challenge, if you are still following along, just hang in there, we’ll get through the dares at some point! Onto today’s dare:
Love cherishes. What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says ‘I cherish’ you and do it with a smile.
Day 10 happenings: I think I washed, folded, and took upstairs something in the realm of 7 loads of laundry. Within that laundry was most of Robert’s work pants and shirts, so he was ready to go for the week! (I did this dare on Monday). I do the laundry anyways at our house, but I often slack on it, or only do what I think is necessary. I often also use one of our other bedrooms as a sorting place, and don’t take the extra effort to put the clothes away where they go, so I’ve been diligent about putting them away after they have been so neatly folded. Robert may not have even noticed that it was done, but that is okay as long as it isn’t cluttering our house and making things unorganized!
Love is unconditional. Do something out of the ordinary for your spouse- something that proves to them and to you that your love is based on a choice and nothing else. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
Day 9 happenings: I tried really hard to make sure that I greeted Robert whether on the phone or face to face with enthusiasm in my voice. He may not have noticed, but I think that it set a good tone for our conversations for the day, and made for a great return home from work for him.
Love makes good impressions. Think of a specific way you’d like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
Day 8 happenings: I burned the negative list, and it felt good to watch the words I had written disappear as the flames ate them up! RJ has been very busy lately with working hard at his job (taking and passing an important course for it), joining the men’s bible study at church, and also taking an online statistics class. Juggling all of that at once is a success in and of itself. I encouraged him to continue working hard, and also reminded him that I support him always with what he is doing.
Love is not jealous. Determine to become your spouse’s biggest fan and reject any feelings of jealously. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday’s list of negative attributes and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he recently enjoyed.
Day 7 happenings: I wrote both the positive and the negative lists yesterday, and felt bad about every ‘negative’ thing that I wrote. I don’t ever want to dwell on the negative aspects of my husband’s life, because we all have faults, and its not nice to blatantly point out others. So I was very glad that today’s dare was to burn the negative piece of paper. I thanked Robert for being a good Dad to our son. I work a few nights during the month, and during those times, Robert watches Jesse while I am away. He not only watches him, he plays with him, feeds him, gets him ready for bed, and puts him to sleep. I’m sure that he does things differently than I do, but that is good for Jesse to get used to and to have both parents be active in his life. I am so thankful to be raising Jesse with someone who loves being a Dad!
Love believes the best. For today’s dare (yesterday’s actually…didn’t get to post yesterday though) get two pieces of paper. On the first one write some positive things about your spouse. On the second one write some negative things about your spouse. Take both pieces of paper and hide them in a secret place to be used another day, there are purposes for each of them. At some point in the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute of your spouse from the list and thank them for having this characteristic.
Day 6 happenings: Well, I felt like I did a good job of reacting to things in a loving way throughout the day, until we got to night time. I went to bed around 10:30, but Robert didn’t go to bed until probably 1:00. He always checks on Jesse before going to bed, and this night when he checked on him, Jesse’s blanket that he sleeps with was in a big ball and he was laying on top of it. So being the good Dad that he is, he tried to move the blanket to put it on top of Jesse, but ended up waking him up. Instead of reacting with love and soothing Jesse back to sleep, I reacted in frustration from being woken up from sleeping to have to take care of a crying baby. Jesse might have woken up anyways, but it was easy to blame Robert for that happening. It was a long evening after that event, but I managed to apologize to Robert in the morning for me being rude to him and having a bad attitude about it all.
Love is not irritable. Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of irritation. Begin by making a list of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release in your life.
Day 5 happenings: I didn’t really have a good opportunity to ask Robert the question from yesterday, so I will try again and ask it today. Its not a particularly fun question to ask, so maybe I put it off, and avoided it, instead of being upfront about it. I’ll try again today, and post the result of our conversation tomorrow, maybe not necessarily the details.